April's coming to a close...?

Near the top of the list of reasons that I do not want to leave France is its epic healthcare system. A few weeks ago I went to the doctor to talk about an ongoing "health problem" that I've been dealing with for a number of years. We worked our way through my medical history [hurrah dictionary!], and after about half an hour of the most patience anyone has shown me over the past eight months, the doctor takes a good look at me and tells me that modern medicine is probably what's kept this problem from going away, and probably making it worse. She then prescribed me a number of homeopathic "medications" and went on about how modern medicine, namely antibiotics, treats the symptoms while generally aggravating the actual sources. These are things I've learned empirically over the past few years, but that no doctor has ever admitted to me. I. Absolutely. Love. The. French. Indeed, over the past month I've seen more progress with this problem than over the past five years. With only one 2-week round of antibiotics, and a plurality of tinctures/homeopathic remedies.

I'm starting to stress out over final exams, and how to get to Barcelona in order to get home. I know it'll all work out, I'm just not exactly sure how. [Especially since the doctor I've been seeing wants to see me at the beginning of June, and I'm sort of hoping to leave Poitiers around the middle of May...] There're a lot of things about "the future" that feel really uncertain right now. Like, how to get all of my crap to the other side of the pond. It was suggested that I not ship much, because of how backed up the post is [thanks, volcano!]. On the other hand, I'm not really interested in traveling with ALL of my stuff. Three dictionaries, my massive "trapper keeper", my computer, silverware etc. No, thanks. I'm also super behind on letters, which disappoints me. I seem to be able to get a good batch of postcards out every couple weeks. I don't know if they're making it over to people, or if they're sitting somewhere between here and there [once again, thanks, volcano!].

On the theme of home. A lot of my girl friends are going to be out in Eugene at the end of June, and nothing warms my heart like the prospect of puzzle and movie nights, the solstice, coffee, the community gardens, vegan cooking, veganism in general, too many hours at the Goat, bike rides by the river, and time spent in trees. I'll also be in Oregon in time for summer classes, and Ted Toadvine is teaching his envorinmental philosophy course, which will be the last course I'll have the chance to take from him, because he's going on sabbatical next year. At the very least, I want to creeper on it, because I think it'll give me a good feel for what I may or may not want to write a senior thesis on. At any rate, I should email him and beg him to not leave, and not leave us all with Peter Warnek as an advisor again. Blah. Do not want.

Other than that, not too much to report on. We had a Centre Oregon excursion this weekend, but my camera batteries died about two hours into the trip, so all I have is a number of postcards somewhere in my journal/bags that came with me. It was an exhausting weekend, full of thousands of stairs, a bunch of old, old churches, some caves and cave paintings, an underground river, and a moonlit chateau invasion [complete with barbed wire climbing... needless to say, my hair got caught many, many times]. Tonight Jess and I went for a long walk along the railroad tracks and on into Biard. We were standing on a bridge when the train went under us. Which reminded me that possibly my favorite song, ever, is Summertime Clothes by Animal Collective.

tickets...

Tickets cause existential crises.

And it is way, way too early for that.

A ticket was purchased, meaning I have a date, an exact date on which I am leaving, and a time that I will be in Portland, Oregon. It's still bizarre and a bit painful to think about it. my mom sort of snuck it up on me, first giving me "until the end of the week", but then giving me all these dates and prices, and telling me that Stef will be home for Monster's graduation. Going to Denmark really isn't a practical possibility at this point, because of the volcano that erupted in Iceland, shutting down most European airports. It was late here, and my brain feels like constant hangover, despite no substantail amounts of alcohol in ages, and I said okay.

As what I feel like is some sort of compromise, my mom suggest that I think about finding work and moving to Eugene when I get home. I want to settle in Eugene. I want to live there. Not just go to school there. I'd stay and work in a coffee shop or wash dishes. I am desperate for roots, and my heart has already started to put them out.

Since 2005:

[Each number indicates a major change in living situation, which was connected, almost each time, to a friends group change and many, many major environmental changes]

1. September 2005 : move to Oregon from Alabama

2. August 2007 : move to DC for school

3. December/January 2008 : move to Eugene for school

4. June - September 2008 : spent the summer in Salem

5. September - December 2008 : lived in hell with Miki

6. January -June 2009 : Cuckoo's nest

7. June-August 2009 : spent the summer in Salem

8. September 2009 - present : Poitiers, France

So, either:

9. June -August/September 2010 : Salem

10. September 2010 : move to Eugene for an indefinite amount of time

or:

9. June 2010 : move to Eugene for an indefinite amount of time

My heart is tired and weary and ready to be settled and planted and develop a coherent reality.

Sorry for being all. Heavy, and stuff. It's about that time, though. Seven months is a long time to feel unpotted.

random update, not really updating anyone about anything...

The new Broken Social Scene album is out, and, well, wow. I sometimes absolutely love pop music. They're on the same label, Arts & Crafts, which has done work with Stars, Feist, The Most Serene Republic, and Amy Millan, so it's no surprise that this album is so magical. I love when bands from when I was younger let out new CDs that don't disappoint.

My folk visit was really, really lovely. [There are photos up on my facebook, but apparently you have to be logged in to see them.] We made it to the Louvre, Musée d'Orsay, the Rodin museum, Centre Pompidou, Versailles, Notre Dame de Paris, saw the grands magasins, la Tour Eiffel, ate plenty of bread and cheese, and walked, walked, walked a ton. The one time we decided to take a taxi, it was a total failure. We waited at a taxi stand for more than half an hour, then finally decided to hoof it. We managed to hail a cab while we were walking, which was more or less a Sunday morning miracle.

I've been back in Poitiers for a few days now. I ended up not going to Norway, partly for financial reasons, partly for academic reasons, and partly for personal reasons. Next weekend [23-25 April!] we're going to the Dordogne to explore caves and see what all there is to see out there, which is going to be lovely, but exhausting. I know that seeing Daniel would have done me a world of good, but there were too many factors involved that made it difficult for me to leave France.

I still don't have a ticket home [typical]. There are some really reasonable tickets from Copenhagen to Seattle anytime until 16 June, and the train down to Salem is always $30, it seems. However, Monster's graduation is 10 June, and it would be nice to be there for that, but would be cutting it down to 2 weeks of travel in France, a week in Denmark, then straight home. Honestly, there's a lot about graduation time festivities that I wouldn't mind missing out on this year. But, on the other hand, if I am home that early, I could take a couple of [easier] classes at Chemeketa, to finish up requirements and leave myself more time next year to work on things like a thesis and post-graduation plans.

After a lot of talking with Cat, my trusty... well, sort of like my exterior conscience?... I've realized that it's going to be better for me to spend the summer in Oregon. There are a ton of people I miss, and little daily things that I am looking forward to being able to do, like pick blackberries and drink bad, warm beer [okay, okay, never done that legally in the states, but...], and ride my bike and drink American-style coffee. I may miss my bike more than I miss anything or anyone else; the freedom of mobility that comes with it, the complete self-reliance. Also, Stefanie has talked about all "the girls" spending a week together in Eugene. Oh, how I miss those women.

Okay. Time to get over to the library and force myself to work on this paper some more. My brain is so tired of French; I can see myself being able to write out a real philosophy paper in English right now, but it feels like such a stretch to do such synthetic work right now. So many layers of thought that I've been away from for far too long. It's like my brain is getting all mushy from being overworked for so long. Just a few more weeks, though.