a possibe solution??

"It is not only envy, it is also admiration, yes, sincere admiration: in the way that man puts all of his energy into writing there is certainly a generosity, a faith in communication, in giving others what others expect of him, without creating introverted problems for himself."

-Italo Calvino, If on a winter's night a traveler

I'd like to think that that's the solution to my blogging issues. It inspires curiosity: would life be "easier" if I weren't so interested in philosophy? I've been in loose dialogue with an old friend who's always accused me of creating this type of problems for myself. I guess I just don't know what I'm supposed to be writing about [like there's some sort of formula?], or what people "expect" to read about, and I feel the need to respond to those questions before setting out.

Anyways. Tuesday I had lunch with Boots, then got some groceries and walked home from the fac, a 45 minute walk. It'd been a long while since I'd done that walk, and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Last night I went for about a 45 minute walk, and it made me miss going for hikes up the butte to watch the sunset with friends in Eugene. I feel really disconnected from the things that I was learning to love this time last year. I'm not quite sure how I am supposed to respond to this realization. I find myself longing for a lot of things that I know I just can't have right now. In any case, I started sprouting some garlic on Sunday, and planted two cloves of it today. One of the cloves is on a mission, and I wish I had compost to offer it as a thank-you for growing so earnestly.

It's pretty lovely and sunny here. I woke up this morning to sunshine. Then I was lucky enough to get to talk to Cat and Mariah for a while on the internet before going to class. Seale had posted a link to the new Minus the Bear song. I'm surprised at how much I enjoy the new sound they're going for. When "Into the Mirror" came out it took me a while to get used just how. plain. sexy. their new stuff is. "My Time" is the new song, and I really, really look forward to them coming out with a new album and going on tour in the fall and continuing to be an epic band, despite their changing sound.

After class I came home and drank some tea and painted, listened to a lot of good music. Then I decided to go out and see what was happening in the world of Easy Cash Pawnshop at Le Grand Large. Now I am the proud owner of a silver Decathlon road bike. I wish I could raise the handle bars a bit, but they'll be fine the way they are for now. The pedals are made for clip-in bike shoes, which may be better in the long run, because "regular" pedals tend to tear up the soul of my birkenstocks somethin' awful.

I reread Anthem on Monday. I really don't know why. I can't even figure out why I brough the book here. The whole text is undoubtably available for free online. It's really not worth the 2-hour read, it takes up way too much space for how short of a story it is. And. Well. It just. Sucks. It's a negative definition of capitalism/"objecitvism" [Ayn Rand's philosophy], opposing it to a type of dystopic collectivism in which anything done for the individual is considered evil or immoral. In the end the reader is left thinking that this individualism is what's going to lead us to knowledge and freedom. It's a good enough idea, but the novella is so short that you can hardly justify disregarding a single idea, and some of the things packed in there are really disagreeable [bending nature to your will, for one]. So here I am, picking at bits and pieces of two different larger trains of thought. There are parts of both which I wholly agree with. I need to get home, to real philosophy classes and real inerlocutors with whom I can engage myelf and discuss these types of ideas.

Speaking of home, I am thinking more and more of getting home in time for the Country Fair. I suggested the date 7 July to my mom, but apparently the whole family is going to be in NH then, including Stef [aaaaaaaah, why did she have to pull the sister card?? I wouldn't care so much if it were just m and d and the monsters, but her!], which has me torn. I just want to go home. I don't want any other layovers. I want Oregon, right away when I get back to the states. I'm still not positive what I'm going to do with my summer. The girls are all going to make it out to Eugene for a week, and I must, must, must be home for that. I think that having a bike here is going to make being here a lot easier on my heart, though.